how to improve your conversations (and become more magnetic)

Most people miss out on endless opportunities in life simply because they lack the ability to have effective conversations.

This single skill—a fundamental ability to spark and sustain a conversation—can be the difference between a life full of abundance and joy or one marked by regret and loneliness.

If you're struggling to find opportunities, friendships, or romantic relationships, it's not because you're not worthy or there is something fundamentally wrong with you.

It’s because you're missing a skill set.

The truth is, the world isn’t always kind. When you lack a fundamental skill like communication, you’ll find yourself hindered in countless areas of your life.

Looking back, I’ve had moments in my life where I wished I’d mastered the art of effective communication.

When I first started in real estate, I attended every networking event and meetup I could find.

Picture this: I’d walk into a room buzzing with strangers grouped in tight circles, deep in conversation.

Instantly, anxiety hit me. I didn’t know where to start, who to approach, or how to strike up a conversation.

I’d spiral into self-consciousness, worrying about how I looked or what others thought of me.

And that was the root problem: I was too self-consumed.

That right there is the exact problem I want to first address.

Instead of focusing outward—looking for ways to help, to connect, or to make a genuine friend—I was stuck in my own head, obsessed with how I was being perceived. I had it all backward.

Rethinking Conversation Frameworks

In my time in sales and being coached by different business leaders and networking gurus, I have come across a-lot of different concepts that are supposed to help you become more effective as a communicator.

When people want to improve their conversational skills, the usual advice is to memorize frameworks like:

• FORD (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams)

• FORM (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Meaning)

• PEARL (Passions, Experiences, Achievements, Relationships, Learn)

These frameworks offer useful conversation starters and directions, but here’s the issue:

They don’t address the root problem.

Relying on these methods often results in surface-level conversations that feel forced and inauthentic.

They tend to create the opposite affect of what you are looking for.

A Small but Powerful Mindset Shift

Most people struggle with communication because they’re too self-absorbed.

They’re caught up in their own insecurities, problems, and fears, unable to step outside their own heads.

Here’s the truth: the more interested you are in others, the more interested they’ll be in you.

Every person you meet can teach you something.

Everyone has a unique story, background, and perspective that could completely shift the way you see the world.

As much as we’d all like to believe we’re the most important person in the room, we’re not. To connect with others, you need to get out of your own head and into theirs.

Be present.

Be genuinely curious.

Ask yourself:

• What can I learn from this person?

• How can I understand and empathize with their perspective?

When you start doing this, everything changes.

The Benefits of Effective Communication

Once you learn to step outside yourself and engage with others effectively, life opens up in ways you never imagined.

• Opportunities appear seemingly out of nowhere.

• Conversations with strangers can turn into new business partnerships or lifelong friendships.

• Your social circle expands, creating a compounding effect that enriches your life over time.

The Vision

We all want the same things:

• More opportunities.

• Quality people in our lives.

• Strong relationships with friends, family, and partners.

Imagine a life where you’re surrounded by people who inspire and support you, building a future that truly matters.

The compounding effect of this over time would transform your life.

The reality is all of these things begin with a conversation between two people.

The Process: Six Key Principles for Magnetic Conversations

Improving your conversational skills and becoming magnetic starts with mastering these six key principles.

Let’s dive deeper into each one:

1. Cultivate Mystery

Don’t overshare. Don’t talk about yourself too much.

One of the quickest ways to become magnetic is by cultivating an air of mystery.

Most people overshare, spilling every detail of their lives in a single conversation.

Here’s the truth: less is often more.

When someone asks you a question, answer it thoughtfully, but don’t feel compelled to reveal everything about yourself right away.

Let others use their imagination. Leave some room for curiosity.

Why does this work? People are naturally drawn to what they can’t fully figure out.

When you hold back just enough, you invite others to lean in, to want to know more about you.

The key is balance—be open, but don’t lay all your cards on the table at once.

2. Be a Master Observer

Shift your focus outward. Ask thoughtful questions.

Magnetic people have a superpower: they’re master observers—not of themselves, but of others.

This goes beyond surface-level observation. It means truly paying attention to the person in front of you.

Watch their body language, listen to their tone, and notice the words they choose.

These subtle cues reveal what matters most to them. Then, use this information to guide the conversation.

The biggest reason people struggle in conversations is because they’re too self-focused.

They overanalyze their every move, every word, and how others perceive them.

While self-awareness is important, being too self-aware can be paralyzing.

Instead, channel your energy outward.

Ask questions that get people talking about what truly matters to them.

For example:

• What are you most passionate about right now?

• What’s something exciting you’ve been working on?

Listen actively, show genuine interest, and respond with thoughtful follow-ups.

This approach not only makes the other person feel valued but also helps you connect on a deeper level.

3. Adapt to Personality Types

Recognize and respond to different personality styles.

To connect effectively, learn to adapt your approach based on the personality of the person you’re interacting with.

One helpful framework is the DISC personality model, which outlines four primary types:

• Dominance (D): Results-driven, assertive, and direct.

• Influence (I): Sociable, persuasive, and enthusiastic.

• Steadiness (S): Supportive, patient, and reliable.

• Conscientiousness (C): Analytical, detail-oriented, and precise.

By recognizing these traits, you can tailor your communication style to resonate with the other person.

For instance:

• With a “D” type, be concise and focus on results.

• With an “I” type, lean into enthusiasm and personal connection.

• With an “S” type, emphasize stability and trust.

• With a “C” type, focus on details and logic.

Adapting to personality types shows empathy and builds rapport quickly, making your conversations more meaningful.

4. Harness the Power of Nonverbal Energy

Let your body language speak for you.

Your words are only part of the equation. Nonverbal communication—your posture, eye contact, gestures, and overall energy—plays a huge role in how others perceive you.

• Maintain open and confident body language.

• Smile genuinely, hold eye contact, and avoid crossing your arms or appearing closed off.

• Subtle cues like leaning in slightly when someone speaks can signal interest and build rapport.

Remember, people often forget what you say, but they’ll always remember how you made them feel—and your nonverbal energy is a big part of that.

5. Master the Art of Storytelling

Stories are the ultimate connection tool.

Humans are wired to connect through stories.

If you want to leave a lasting impression, learn to share engaging, relatable stories that illustrate your points.

The best stories are:

• Simple: Keep them clear and focused.

• Personal: Share experiences that reveal something genuine about you.

• Purposeful: Use stories to entertain, inspire, or help the other person see a new perspective.

For example, instead of saying, “I’ve been working hard on my business,” you might say, “Last week, I faced a challenge that taught me a valuable lesson about perseverance.” Then, share the story behind it.

6. Never Take Yourself Too Seriously

Lighten the mood and build instant rapport.

People are drawn to those who can laugh at themselves. It shows confidence and humility.

When you take yourself too seriously, you risk coming across as stiff or unapproachable.

By embracing humor and a bit of self-deprecation, you create a sense of ease that invites others to connect with you.

For example, if you trip over your words, don’t panic.

Laugh it off and say something like, “Wow, that came out all wrong—let me try again.” This kind of lightheartedness makes you relatable.

Putting It All Together

By mastering these six principles, you’ll transform the way you interact with others.

Each conversation will become an opportunity to build deeper connections, discover new opportunities, and expand your influence.

Start small.

Practice one principle at a time until it feels natural.

Over time, you’ll not only improve your communication skills—you’ll become the kind of person others are drawn to effortlessly.

The compounding affect this will have in your life will be drastic over a short period of time.