Most people go through life just doing what they are told. They do what they think other people want them to do.

Even if they wanted to do something different, they wouldn't know how to.

They never learned the art of the negotiation.

Look around at your life and look closely. What do you see?

Do you see health, wealth & prosperity all around you? If you do than you are exceptionally lucky.

However, I would be willing to bet that most of the people reading this don't see that at all. And of those who do, I bet those outside of your immediate circle and social sphere aren't exactly living the life that you would desire for yourself.

So the question becomes, why do you look around at the world and see so many people struggling to live a life they so deeply desire to live?

Why are so many people unhealthy, broke and unstable all around?

Now of course, there are many factors at play here and I am not going to dive into politics, religion or capitalism vs socialism.

What I am here to talk about today is a very important skill that we aren't taught in school.

A skill, that once learned, can help you not only achieve what you want out of life, but allow you to help other people achieve what they want out of life as well.

This is a skill that comes very natural to a select few, but for most, gets beaten out of us as we grow up in the educational system and become accustomed to simply just being told what to do.

The skill I am referring to today is the ability to negotiate.

You don't always have to listen to what other people tell you you should do.

You can go your own way.

You can make your own decisions.

You can have your own ideas and you can stand on those ideas. But you have to learn how to communicate effectively.

You have to learn how to articulate yourself properly.

You have to learn how to write, think, reflect and transfer your belief.

Not just with other people, but with yourself.

When you begin to master the art of negotiation, you become much more effective at getting what you desire out of life.

"If you say no to something, you're negotiating. If you don't say no, you're a slave." Jordan Peterson.

Everything in life is a negotiation.

Waking up in the morning and deciding what outfit to put on is a negotiation with yourself.

Being interviewed for a new job is a negotiation with you and the employer.

Being in a relationship is a negotiation between the two partners.

Selling any kind of product or service is a form of negotiation.

Putting your children to bed every night is a negotiation.

A negotiation is simply just the process of communication and decision-making between two or more people to resolve differences, align interests, or reach a mutually beneficial agreement. It involves the exchange of ideas, priorities, and often compromise, with the goal of finding a solution that satisfies everyone involved.

Its not that life becomes easier when you learn to negotiate, its that you become stronger and much more effective.

The friction and tension you used to feel when you had to have a hard conversation, or even simply just a conversation, no longer remains.

Not only do you become much more effective, you become much more attractive as well.

No matter what people say, everyone respects and deep down inside admires someone who can stand behind their own ideas, beliefs and perspective not just with conviction and passion, but with respect, intelligence and class.

When you learn how to negotiate, you learn how to reason.

You learn how to sit on the same side of the table as people who might have different opinions or perspectives.

You become equipped to ask the tough questions, dig deeper, solve problems and find solutions rather than just simply pointing fingers like a child.

People who know how to negotiate and persuade others get what they want out of life.

They understand that life is a dance more than a fight, its about getting what you want while also helping others get what they want.

However, before we dive into the 7 Principles behind negotiation, you must understand that you become much more powerful when you learn to negotiate.

With that power comes added responsibility.

If you abuse the power, and seek to dominate other people through your abilities, eventually karma will catch up to you.

So you must remember, your morality and integrity is always more important than winning a negotiation.

In fact, sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is allow the other side to win.

The first principle of the art of negotiation is to always command respect. This principle actually ties in directly with the previous newsletter "this is how you reinvent yourself" from last week.

In order to command respect you must first respect yourself.

Life is a mirror in a lot of ways and the self fulfilling prophecy is incredibly powerful.

(Refer back to the previous newsletter to get a better understanding of the self fulfilling prophecy).

You need to first begin with improving yourself. Become someone you admire. Become someone you are proud of when you look in the mirror.

This all starts with your mind, develops through your daily habits and is built off of the vision you create for yourself.

One of the most basic yet powerful ways to command respect is through physical appearance.

There is something biological in human beings that when another human being in elite physical condition walks in the room, people take note.

Not only do people respect you for your physical capabilities, but they also subconsciously understand the amount of discipline and mental toughness that goes into being in top tier shape.

When it comes to commanding respect, just start with getting in the best shape of your life.

It really is as simple as that.

The second principle in the art of negotiation is determine what's most valuable to the other side.

You do this by asking strategic questions designed to get the other party to explain their position and ultimately the desired outcome they are looking to achieve.

When you know what the other side is after, you can then work backwards to determine what they need out of the negotiation.

When you ask questions properly, you shift the dynamic from you defending your position to getting the other side to explain theirs.

This allows you to gather insight you wouldn't otherwise obtain, it reveals hidden motivation and gives you more information to achieve your desired outcome.

Avoid the temptation to defend your position and get the other side to defend theirs.

Asking questions is playing offense, its moving the ball forward, getting closer to the goal.

A simple tool you can use is The Redirect. In the midst of a negotiation, when you are asked a question, respond to the question with another question.

For example, if you are selling a product to a prospect and they ask a question in regard to needing more information about your company, respond by asking the prospect "what information would you like to know?"

This allows you to gage what is most important to the prospect, and determines what you should highlight to that prospect.

Determine what is most valuable to the other side.

The third principle in the art of negotiation is to control the frame. This principle refers to the idea of shaping and guiding the perspective, tone, and context in which the negotiation occurs.

The "frame" is essentially the lens through which the situation is interpreted by both parties. By controlling the frame, you position yourself as the authority, dictate the narrative, and influence how the other party perceives value, urgency, and leverage.

One of the most powerful ways to frame a situation is to make the first move.

Whoever makes the first move is usually in control of the frame.

For example, when a keynote speaker is being prepared to go on stage for a speech, nearly 100% of the time there is a MC up before the speaker framing the entire speech being delivered.

He usually boasts about the credibility, integrity and success of the coming speaker.

There is usually a brief story that is told to paint a picture inside the minds of the audience that frames the coming speech.

When you control the frame properly ahead of time it changes the lens through which the other party sees the event or situation.

It can create authority, establish trust and build certainty.

Once you frame the situation you are in properly and take the first step, it changes the entire dynamic.

The fourth principle is the understanding that silence is your weapon.

So often, especially in a negotiation, we want to talk and talk and talk about our position and why we are right.

We want to overpower the other side with facts, statistics and reason.

We think that our power comes from what we say, when in reality, true power often comes from what we don't say.

Its keeping our position unknown, letting the other side assume and project what they think we might be thinking.

Silence creates a subconscious level of fear.

Human beings don't like uncertainty, they don't like the unknown, and when you are silent it makes the other party anxious.

It creates scenarios in their head that may or may not exist.

You don't need to always be so quick to speak.

Take your time, let you thoughts come to you.

Make sure you know what you are going to say before you say it.

Use silence as your weapon.

The fifth principle in the art of negotiation is to master your emotions.

This may be the most powerful principle of them all.

When you master your emotions, you remove your ego and bias out of the negotiation.

You can see the "chess board" clearly.

You can think logically, clearly and rationally.

You become much more powerful and prevent the other party from getting under your skin and revealing weak points in your position.

Mastering your emotions allows you to remain grounded in the goal you are looking to achieve.

It prevents you from giving up the war for small battles of pride and ego.

Becoming emotionally resilient is a completely different conversation in and of itself, but just know that if you can master this one principle, it will single handedly change your life.

"He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still."– Lao Tzu

The next principle in the art of negotiation to to always use the element of social proof when communicating and influencing the other party.

Social proof is the idea that people tend to follow the actions, choices, or opinions of others, especially in uncertain situations, because they believe it’s the right or acceptable thing to do.

For example, if a restaurant is crowded, people assume it’s good because others are eating there.

This principle of social proof stems from the evolution of human beings.

We are evolved to be tribal creatures.

For thousands of years human beings lived in small tribes of a few hundred people.

Your life depended on the few other hundred people to survive and if you isolated yourself from the group your life was in extreme danger.

This trait still remains engrained in human beings to this day.

A simply way to leverage this trait in humans beings is to subtly display social proof in your life.

The key is to display social proof very subtly. Without it really being apparent you are doing so.

For example, when describing your product or service to a customer, bring up various third party story's of other prospects who have experienced the benefits of your offer.

Nothing is more attractive to a woman than a man who is with another attractive woman.

She automatically assumes that if you can keep an attractive woman happy, tere must be a reason.

Social proof is a powerful tool to use in almost any area of life, especially in dealing with negotiation.

"Social proof is the shorthand we use to decide what to do when we’re unsure—by looking at what others are doing and assuming they know best."– Robert Cialdini, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion

Last but not least, the final principle in the art of negotiation is to always be willing to walk away.

When you need nothing, you attract everything.

People can sense when you are operating from a place of abundance and peace.

The key to always be willing to walk away is to ground yourself in deep rooted beliefs and values, to always know what is most important.

When you know what you stand for, when you know what is most important in your life and most of all, when you know yourself, very rarely is there a deal out there you aren't willing to walk away from.

Being willing to walk away stems for a deep belief in not just yourself but in the greater cosmic force, the Universe, God, Christ, whatever you choose to believe.

This is one of the main roles religion has played in our society.

When a man is rooted in deeper beliefs, he isn't swayed by influence and propaganda.

His time horizon is much more vast and his willingness to cave to lower desires is almost none.

I believe this is the only principle out of all the ones we have discussed that isn't a tool or a skill, its something much deeper that must be obtained, not taught.

"Being willing to walk away is a reflection of how rooted you are in your own value. You don’t need validation from others to confirm what you already know about yourself."– Unknown

There we have it, the seven principles of the art of negotiation.

If you can learn these principle's and apply them to your daily life, you will become much more effective and powerful in your dealings with life.

Just remember, your integrity and character will always be the greatest determinator of your success.

Learning to negotiate and influence other people is valuable, but not nearly as valuable as learning to negotiate with yourself, your beliefs and your values.

Always the best,

Cade